Forever and All the Afters Read online

  Forever and All the Afters

  Copyright © K.I. Lynn

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  This work is copyrighted. All rights are reserved. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without prior written permission of the author.

  Cover design by T.E. Black Designs

  Photo credit: Lindee Robinson Photography

  Editor:

  Evident Ink

  Marti Lynch

  Danielle Leigh

  Publication Date: September 23, 2019

  Genre: FICTION/Romance/Contemporary

  ISBN-13: 978-1948284165

  Copyright © 2019 K.I. Lynn

  All rights reserved

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Intro

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Epilogue

  After all the words and the things…

  Acknowledgements

  Soundtrack

  About the Author

  More books from K.I. Lynn!

  Grief. It’s an emotion that defines us all. We’ve all lost, we’ve grieved, but we as humans don’t always move on. Why is that? Is it because it’s such a strong, visceral reaction that no matter how much time has passed or how we say we’ve moved on, a part of us never does?

  It’s a nagging little twinge in our hearts that sows doubt and fear. The reason we guard ourselves. There’s nothing more painful than tearing open a still-festering wound. Pain is to be avoided, and at times that means avoiding things that once made you happy.

  I grieved deeply for the loss of Pike. He didn’t leave this world, but one minute he was my world and in the next, he was gone. I’ve never recovered from the pain of his absence—the loss of the man I believe was my soul mate.

  Now, every time I see him, I’m blindsided by so much sorrow that it steals my breath. My only recourse is to avoid him, at all costs, to avoid the utter devastation that I feel when we part ways. Pike was my first love, and his leaving devastated me. He was mine, but we were teenagers.

  We grew up.

  We moved apart.

  I’ve moved on. Shouldn’t that mean I’ve made peace with him and our past? Shouldn’t that make him nothing more than a familiar stranger?

  After everything, I know why. I promised forever, and my heart meant it.

  I never, not for one second, stopped loving him.

  The air burns my lungs, my morning run underway. For months, I’ve been running, building up endurance and trying to slim down my thighs. I’ve never been one to exercise, but I’ve managed to make it up to about three miles, which is good, considering when I started I could barely do one.

  While my shape has improved, I still have a lot of work to do. The wedding is fast approaching, and I want to look perfect for my fiancé, Caleb. On Monday, I’m going to push myself and do four miles.

  My mind whirls through my schedule, plotting out my packed morning, designing rooms in my mind, and trying to forget about the fact that I’ve still got two miles to go. A half an hour later, I’m finally jogging into the house to change and get ready for the day.

  As soon as I walk in, my phone goes off with a text from Caleb.

  Hey, babe, when are you bringing my coffee? Xxx - Caleb

  Shit. My morning is already a mess, and it’s only eight.

  Where are you? - Aubrey

  Before I even get to shower, I’m in my car and off again. Starbucks is so close that I’m still sweating when I step in. While the run helps get me going, I need coffee. At least the delay in getting home will give it enough time to cool down.

  I can drop Caleb’s off before heading home.

  Warmth spreads through me as I smile down at the screen and the little kisses. In just over six months, I will be Aubrey Manning. Someone different, and hopefully better than my former self. I want to be better—for him.

  There is still so much to do. We’ve barely scratched the surface, and I’m grateful my mom and my best friend, Nora, are around to help. Thankfully, we were able to secure the location. It isn’t my dream venue, but Caleb was able to book it on our shorter timetable. Considering we got engaged at New Year’s, we are doing pretty well.

  “What can I get started for you?” the barista asks.

  I manage to remember my order and pay before stepping to the side to wait with the others.

  While I wait, my phone goes off with a slew of notifications. I wake the screen up and find nearly a dozen messages from my best friend, Nora.

  What do you think of this dress?

  What are the colors again?

  OMG I am dying!

  This is the one and if you disagree I’m disowning you as a friend.

  There’s a bunch of photos attached. I like the first dress and try to hold in my laughter at the one that follows. It’s atrocious with layers of multi-colored tulle.

  This is for Halloween, right? - Aubrey

  You totally need a themed wedding - Nora

  Oh, it has a theme, but gaudy trash is not it - Aubrey

  As I type, a tingle spreads across my back. Almost like a wave of heat from a fire. I’ve felt it before. Years ago.

  The energy radiating from behind me flickers in the back of my brain, igniting memories from long ago. Forgotten times buried under heartache. I can never forget it—forget him—but I refuse to turn around to believe it.

  Pike isn’t here.

  He lives in New York. Why would he come back to Indianapolis after all these years?

  Not only that, but how in the world would the two of us end up at the same place at the same time?

  I draw in a ragged breath as heat surges through my body.

  One man in my entire life has made me feel this way. Only one.

  My knees grow weak. I want to blame it on my run, but I know the truth. The mere thought of Pike being close has sent every part of me into chaos. Ten years of silence is suddenly as loud as a rock concert surging through me.

  I don’t even have the courage to turn around, to see if it’s him. I’m too scared that I’ll have to face him after years apart. That I’ll have to admit that it’s him doing this complete system hijack.

  I take a deep breath that is shaky as hell, and peek over my shoulder. The hair of my ponytail over my shoulder hides my face some, but with one small glance, every fear is confirmed—Pike Warren is home. Not only is Pike back in Indiana, but he’s at the same Starbucks as me at the same time, just a few miles from where we grew up.

  His lips are parted, blue eyes dark as he stares at me, catching me in my casual attempt to spy. It almost looks as if he is just as shocked as I am.

  “Aubrey?”

  Suddenly he seems to be growing taller, and it isn’t until I feel the shock of his hands on my waist
that I realize it’s my knees giving up the ghost. Warmth crawls through me from his touch, taking over.

  “Whoa, are you okay?” he asks as he pulls me up and toward him.

  Okay? Okay?

  No, I am not okay. I was perfectly fine before he got in line behind me minutes ago. But after, my life is suddenly in an upheaval of epic proportions.

  Fuck you, Pike.

  “Yeah, fine,” I say as I struggle to get my legs under me again. But my hands are on his chest and he’s holding me close, and everything is wrong but so very right. Stronger, larger, angular, and still every bit the boy I loved. “Um…Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  “Grande skinny vanilla latte and a venti red eye mélange for Aubrey,” a barista calls out.

  “That’s me,” I say, waiting for him to release me while also making no effort to move. I’m locked in some time warp that has more comfort than it should. I shouldn’t feel like this in another man’s arms.

  “Americano for Pike.”

  Neither of us move.

  “If you don’t get your drinks, I’m going to take them,” a man says from behind Pike.

  That seems to break the circle of energy that ties us together, and I step forward as Pike apologizes.

  I swallow hard, looking forward as I pick up the two cups and then swiftly head toward the door. My escape plan is thwarted by the magical man and his long legs beating me there.

  “Two coffees?” Pike asks as he holds the door open for me.

  I give him a soft, “Thanks,” as I step outside. “One is for Caleb.”

  “Who is Caleb?”

  I stop to look at him, my gaze bouncing between his eyes. “My fiancé.”

  While his expression is neutral, I can see something stirring beneath the surface in his eyes. His eyes were always so expressive.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  “I moved back a few months ago.”

  “You did?” And you didn’t call me?

  The news catches me off guard. It’s almost gutting. After all these years, he finally came home and I had no idea. A part of me acknowledges that it’s almost worse that he didn’t try to contact me.

  Months? Months he’s been here, so close, and he never came.

  Stop it, Aubrey. He’s the past. Caleb is your future.

  He nods. “I got a great job offer. Too good to refuse.”

  “That’s great.” I start making a path to my car. “I’m sorry. I have to get going.”

  “Aubrey, wait,” he calls.

  I stop and turn back to him. There’s so much that hangs in the space between us. It’s electric, pushing and pulling. A veritable war between past and present emotions. All the things never said, never done. The door that never fully closed when he left.

  It’s terrifying. So powerful I know it could easily tear me apart if I let it.

  “Can I see you sometime? To catch up. Coffee?”

  I shake my head. “That’s not a good idea.” I have to stay away.

  “Why?”

  Because you’re toxic to me.

  “I just can’t,” I say as I unlock my car with the fob. “Bye, Pike.”

  I’m still shaking as I step away from Pike and slide into my seat. The disorientation and surprise throw me off. After nearly a decade of not seeing him, of not talking to him, the effect he still has on me seems somehow stronger than when he left.

  Being near him is a risk my heart can’t take.

  There is nothing wrong with my life, with my relationship with Caleb. He’s a good man, and I love him, but there’s just something about a first love that never seems to leave, which is why I can’t see Pike again.

  He’s still standing in the middle of the parking lot as I pull out, and I can’t stop myself from glancing at him. Our eyes meet, if only for a fraction of a second, and then I’m gone. They say you shouldn’t look back, but that doesn’t stop me from watching him in the rearview mirror standing there much like I did the last time I saw him, when he walked away.

  For years I’ve tried to forget him, but I admit it—I couldn’t stay away. I Facebook stalked him. And Twitter. Instagram.

  Over the years, I’ve watched him go through relationships. Some lasted a year, some lasted a month, and every one of them was a knife to the heart. Prettier than me, maybe a bigger rack, wilder, or even tamer, but they all seemed more special than I was.

  And they were, because they had Pike’s attention. They were with him, being touched by him, even loved by him.

  Months may have passed since I last snuck a peak at his social media, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that he is someone I will never be able to forget.

  Instead of heading home, I race to Caleb’s job site. I need affirmation, for him to shake these feelings from me. Because he is the man I love, and he loves me. My future is Caleb. Pike is only a memory.

  I pull in a deep breath, then grab his coffee and head inside. In the middle of the family room stands a fit man with sandy blond hair and a chiseled jaw. He’s so handsome. His light brown eyes give a sparkle when he spots me, making my heart jump.

  My new happily ever after—Caleb Manning.

  “Hey, babe,” Caleb says as I step through the door. “Watch out.”

  I look down, noticing the huge hole in the floor from at least two squares of missing plywood. The three-foot edge around the perimeter of the room calls upon all of my balancing skills as I carefully make my way around.

  “Coffee?” I ask, holding out his cup.

  He smiles and leans forward, giving me a peck on the lips. “Thanks.” He takes a sip, letting out a low moan. “Where have you been all my life?”

  “Hey!”

  His lip twitches up. “I meant you, babe.”

  “Riiight.”

  His brow furrows as he looks at me. “I thought you were changing after your run?”

  I look down and realize I completely forgot the whole shower step in my race to get away from Pike. There is a heat wave and so I broke my shorts out from their winter hideaway and paired them with just a sports bra. “I…yes, I just got distracted.”

  His lips form a thin line. “Not very professional. The crew keeps staring at your ass.”

  I swallow hard. Why is it that sometimes I feel like I’m being scolded? “Sorry, I wanted to get your coffee to you before it got cold.”

  “And I appreciate it, but next time dress appropriately.”

  I nod, then look around at the progress made since I’d last seen the place. The large wall that separated the kitchen and the family room is mostly gone—only the studs still stand.

  “I thought the wall was going?”

  “It is. As you can tell by the hole in the floor, we’re having some structural issues.”

  “Great, another house with problems.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t plan for this severe of an issue.”

  “Do you want to talk about the layout later, then? I can go get some samples. I have this fabulous marble in mind that I saw last week.”

  He nods. “That would be great. I’ve got an engineer coming by at three, so anytime after that.”

  “Is he going to look at the Carmel property as well?”

  “On Friday. Today’s pressing matter is this mess,” he says as he guides me back around, his hand on my lower back the whole way down to my car. “Now, go change.”

  Walking me to my car is something Caleb has always done. More than just an excuse to kiss me like crazy before I left, but also for my security.

  “Yes, sir.”

  He grins and pulls me to him, chest to chest, his arms around my waist. It’s the same as with Pike, but there is a difference.

  He presses his lips to mine, drawing me closer. “I am going to fuck you so hard for that.”

  I bite down on my lower lip as I smile up at him. “Looking forward to it.”

  I cry out as his hand slaps against my right ass cheek, his fingers digging in. “Tonight, I want you in that red teddy an
d those black fuck-me pumps.”

  “Maybe I’ll wear those pumps when I see you this afternoon,” I say with a wink as I pull away from his arms and slide into my car.

  While I drive away, I glance in the mirror, but Caleb is already back inside.

  I really can’t wait to see him, to spend time with him tonight, but something still bothers me. The entire time he touched me, all I could think of was the reaction I had to Pike, and how much Caleb’s touch paled in comparison.

  Three hours later, the vein on my forehead is throbbing. Listening to Matt and Dana Walker fight over cabinet styles for the last hour hasn’t helped my situation, and I’m tempted to smack them with the samples I brought—the samples I didn’t even get to show them before they started bickering.

  “Can I interject?” I ask for the tenth time. Finally, they stop talking and turn toward me. “Matt, I know you are a traditional man, and Dana, you love modern, clean lines.” I pull the cabinet sample from my bag, now that I have their attention. “I think this Shaker style is a perfect mix. We can use the quartz counter Dana wants and a slick subway tile backsplash.”

  They both stare at the samples I’ve placed out, then at each other.

  “I suppose it could work,” Matt says.

  “Compromise, right?” Dana’s lips slide up into a smile as she steps to press her body against his.

  “Right.” He grins back to her. “Compromise.”

  I want to roll my eyes, but instead I plaster on a smile. Newlyweds.

  Who am I to talk? I, myself, am about to become a newlywed. In a few short months, I will walk down the aisle to my fiancé, and we will start our lives together.

  “It looks great, Aubrey,” Dana says.

  “So, we’re set with this?” I ask to be certain. They both nod, excitement rolling off them. “Excellent. I know you want a light, bright kitchen, so I have some paint chips and tiles as well.”

  I pull out the colors I’d picked out for the cabinets as well as the tile, explaining both and why I chose the colors and textures. It takes another few minutes of hammering it out, but they make their decision in record time—compared to how long I waited to get a word in edge wise.

  “I’ll get all this ordered and get Briar out to start the demo ASAP.”